Lessons I'm Learning

I would never say that cancer is a blessing. Because, I really can't see how it is. It's painful. It's scary. It's more than scary--It's terrifying. It's deadly. And, it's makes me so sad and sick sometimes to know how much Rick is hurting-- and there's nothing I, or anything short of a medical miracle, can do for him to cure him. To stop it completely. To make sure he lives a really long life.
But, I'll tell you what I have learned so far in the last 10 months:
1. Life is so short. It is so short that it's not even funny. A year ago Rick and I would talk-- and it was good conversation. We'd chat-- or we'd complain- or we'd talk to each other's kids. But, it was just something we did. I'd get off the phone-- and say-- peace out. Or, talk to you later. But, now everytime-- cheesy or not, I tell him I love him. Because I never know if something may happen, and he doesn't wake up the next day-- I'll know the last thing he heard from me, was "Love you, bro." Or, "Love you- I'll call tomorrow." He knows that I care. And, when I see him calling... I don't think "oh, I'll call him back." I pick it up. And, I spend as much time as either of us have-- talking to him... because I don't want to regret missing one single phone call if I can.
2. The little things count. That's all. A missed call from him-- letting me know he was trying to call and talk. Or, a text message with an update from the doctor. Or, a voicemail from his kids singing happy birthday to me. Or, a picture message (like this one above.) so that I can see how he is, how he looks, and how things are. Or-- I'll call him on my way to work and leave a message...or I'll text him randomly just to say hi. I know all of those things mean the world to him-- well, and me. And, it only takes 2 seconds to do them. The little things-- they count. They really do.
3. Family. I have really learned-- the importance of my family. I call my parents more often than I ever have. I appreciate them more. I can see how much they are going through -- having a child who is so sick-- and how they are handling it...and I look to them for strength. My sister and I go through periods of talking randomly, and then daily. Keeping each other updated on our lives, on Rick's progress. It seems as though each of us play phone tag with him--but it works out so we can share what's new and make sure we are both up to date. We give each other advice, chat about kids, and life-- and I just have grown to appreciate her more than ever over the last few years. I could go on about family... but I am just glad that I have my own family (Kenny and Kira) and that I have the family that I come from-- and that I can draw strength from some of them-- I really don't know what I would do without them.
4. Health. This is probably one of the biggest things so far. My health-- is my health...and it is my job to do the best I can to stay healthy. Because, I firmly believe that had my little brother been really overweight, or really unhealthy in more ways--he would have been a lot worse off. That's not to say that his health was perfect-- but it makes me realize that there are so many ways that I can be improving my health, and I have been doing so. So, in case something like this happens... I have more than a fair shot at overcoming whatever comes my way. And, it's scary to know that this cancer could run in my genes and probably does. So, I am not taking my health for granted. And, I am doing a lot better with making better choices.

So, let's just sum it up: Cancer sucks. There are no benefits, that I can see, of having it. I am not glad that Rick has cancer. But, I am glad that I have taken this news-- and done my best to be a support to him because that is what he needs. And, while doing so-- I am learning so much about myself, and about others. And, I appreciate the time that I do have with him.

Love you, Rick. Keep hanging in there.